When I hear your voice
by Munku-JGSPTV
Summary: Rei has really strong feelings for Kai. But he's afraid he'll never be able to tell Kai how much he loves him, and Kai'll never know. Songfic. my first BB and yaoi fic. Sequel up: Evolving Shadow.


When I hear your voice

The lyrics are from Linkin Park's reanimation album, P5ng Me A*way and there's a tiny bit of lyrics from the orignal version, Pushing Me Away near the end.

Disclaimer: There's no point to these. It's stupid. If you really think I own anything, go eat your damn head.

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When I look into your eyes

There's nothing there to see

Kai. You aimed to achieve perfection. I knew that about you, at least. You didn't strive to please anyone, (except maybe your grandfather to avoid punishment) only yourself. 

You seems so cold, uncaring.

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Nothing but my own mistakes

Staring back at me

You never seem to care about what anyone else thinks or does and that almost… Intrigues me. The way you just live your life. And then I hate it. I hate how you just stand to the side and never join us. I hate how you act like we're not worth being given any chances. The way your lip curls with disgust and your eyes twitches at the very sight of me with them…

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Everything has to end, you'll soon find we're all out of time, left to watch it all unwind

But they're my friends, Kai! My team mates, life long buddies. Yours too. If you'd only let yourself be more a part of the group. You've spent so much time with us that I'd thought you'd open up, to one of us at least. And it hurt that out of all the Blade Breakers, you like me the best, but you'd pretend I didn't exist. It really hurts.

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Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down

It was when you did really simple not-Kai like things that made me…find you interesting. I made me wonder what you were like inside. That made me like you. Think you might be giving us a chance. Before we got on that BBA bus, and you stopped to let me go on first. It was strange. Those little things… I then gradually realise I was liking you more and more. I still don't know why.

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I've lied

To you

I started paying more attention to you – not waiting on you or following your every command, but watching. Waiting. I wanted you to open up so much, Kai. Show your feelings. I know you hide them. I wanted you to tell me what you really thought. Then I got the idea that maybe if we were alone, away from the others; you might do it then.

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This is the last smile

That I'll fake for the sake of being with you

So I pretended to Tyson, Kenny and Max. Just so I could talk to you. Spend more time with you. It became almost like an obsession. You. I never knew you would affect me like this.

But not once did you _ever _say anything that might have given me a clue. Maybe you were trying. I really hope you were. I just hope you had tried harder. I'll never know. Maybe I only wanted to help. I guess you didn't need it.

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The sacrifice is never knowing

Why I stayed with you

Just push away

No matter what you see

You're still so blind to me.

There was nothing I could do, I realised. Nothing more I could do to get you to know me. Or for me to know you. I should have given up. But something inside me burned. Even though it was hopeless, I felt I had to keep trying. Like I was some sick affection-searching plaything there for your amusement. If only you had laughed at me. I might have given up. If only you hated me.

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I've tried

Like you

To do everything you wanted to

I lied to myself. I had started to convince myself somehow that if I kept pretending (like you) that beyblading was the only thing in my life, you'd get me to train harder, so you'd take more notice of me. Hold respect for me. I remember when Mr Dickinson sent you out for something, and we didn't know where you were. You had disappeared. By then, Tyson had gotten into the kitchen and tried cooking. Obvious disaster zone. The place is haunted by that terrible event. Poor kitchen. Mr D. had come back from his coffee shop and seen the mess. He sad that for punishment, someone had to go and find Kai. I took that responsibility. I took the blame. Willingly. When I finally found you, you were the same as ever. You only said two words to me then, when happiness at seeing you was pounding around my body like blood.

'Get lost.'

That really hurt. Why did you have to be like that?

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This is the last time

I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you

The sacrifice of hiding in a lie

If you had hated me, I would've stopped. I would've gone back to the old Rei. But you tormented my every thought. Everytime I saw you all I felt was joy. And pain. Pain because I knew you would never see me. I didn't care then if you loved me back…

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The sacrifice is never knowing

Why I stayed with you

Just push away

No matter what you see

You're still so blind to me

Now, I think I can sort it out a bit. I just don't want to be hurt again. I don't care if you reject me, like all those other times. If you yell at me and tell me how much you hate me, I'll get over it. Sure, I'll be miserable and I'll still want you, but I'll feel…no I'll _know_ that you don't love me back. I'll see how it's better for you. And me. I'll stop loving you.

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Reverse psychology's failing miserably

It's so hard to be left all alone

I have to tell you… It would be worse if you just stood there, in silence, not saying anything. Looking at me with those harsh, pitiless crimson eyes. I wouldn't be able to live through that kind of pain.

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Telling you is the only chance for me

There's nothing left but to turn and face you

But you see yourself to me as a team leader, as an 'associate'. Never a friend. Or anything more.

Everytime I fail, I don't disappoint you, I just see my own miserable pain reflected back at me. My own loss. Why can't you care?

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When I look into your eyes, there's nothing there to see

Nothing but my own mistakes staring back at me

But I still know, I have to tell you. I don't know what to do after that.

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Asking why…

I don't want to pretend to you anymore.

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The sacrifice of hiding in a lie (why)

The sacrifice is never knowing

If only you could feel. If only...If only if only. 'If only's' don't help. I have to go. See what you say. Or do. At the best, you'll tell me how much you hate me. I'll be miserable, but it'll feel good to finally know. At worst…Then I would… I don't want to think about it.

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Why I stayed with you

Just push away

No matter what you see

You're still so blind to me

Can you love me?

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Now I see your testing me

Pushes me away

Why I never walked away

Why I played myself this way

Now I see your testing me

Pushes me away…

I can tell you now, kai. Now I'm not afraid of your response.

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No matter what you see

You're still so blind to me

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Telling you is the only chance for me

There's nothing left but, to turn and face you 

Rei stood up, looking blankly ahead of him.

The gentle breeze ran through his black hair as he approached a teen spinning his beyblade around in his hand, sitting from alone and leaning against a tree.

'Kai…'


End file.
